My head does though. I have made a few decisions as of late that may have caused a hault in life just a little bit. I didn't get off the path. I'm not lost and haven't been led astray. I just stalled a bit. When my heart so clearly felt 'NO!' my head said it would be a good idea. A good experience. A good opportunity for growth. A chance to prove something...to someone...maybe myself. I continue to reflect on a particular choice and though I don't regret it, I ask myself, "What was I thinking?" Really though, what was I thinking? I'll tell you. I was thinking of myself.
I have learned that my heart is usually right because it is my heart that thinks of other people. My head on the other hand is usually thinking of me. I was definitely thinking about myself and the experience I could gain and the opportunities that would open up to me if I followed through with this particular choice. It wasn't a hard decision because it was just there. It just happened to me. So why not take advantage of it, right? What was so easy, is now making things very difficult.
Now I'm hurting because it's taking even more from my heart to rise above the fray and let all the negative repercussions roll off my back. I want to scream and yell and tell the people on the other side how immature and ridiculous they are being. I've worked hard to maintain the good reputation I have. It belongs to me because I'm a good girl. I'm far from perfect, but I am still a good person.
I will continue to reflect and learn from this experience and next time I will be much more careful. In a moment of weakness I took an opportunity that maybe I shouldn't have. Now I feel as though I've started moving again. With a few leaps and sprints I'll be right back where I was before. Maybe even farther.
Being that I am also studying theater arts, I am constantly learning from the world of musical theater. One particular song that I've been contemplating is from Stephen Sondheim's "Into the Woods." Little Red Riding Hood teaches a true principle in the song she sings after she gets eaten by the wolf. She says, "Nice is different than good."
Nice is different than good. Something that may in fact be nice, may in no way be what is good for us. My choice was a very nice choice. Nice in practically every way. But it wasn't a good choice for me. I'm seeing that now. Everything was so nice. That being said, I don't want nice. I want what is good for me.
I will never choose something because it is nice again. I won't even choose something that is good. I am not a woman of mediocrity. I want what is best. Nice is different than good. And...when there is a good, there is a better, and where there is a better, there is always a best. I will choose the best.
We all deserve the best.
Nice is different than good.
