...my family--I love them.

Family has been on the brain.
my parents. the family of seven I belong to, of which I am the only girl. the little additions to my family that make my heart pitter patter. even my future family--which as of late, I think a lot about.

LDC is preparing to do our spring show and it is all about the family. I rolled my eyes when I first heard this announcement, but have since changed my attitude toward it because I know it's going to have a lasting impact in my life. Saying goodbye to my LDC family after this final spring show and choir tour is going to be rough. Just thinking about it makes me weep. So...I refuse to think about it.

I was having an "I can't believe it's 2011 and I'm turning 25 and summer is just around the corner" day. Schizophrenic. It was a schizophrenic day. Today though, I engaged in some great discussion. Discussion that left me with a lingering sense of hope. A lingering desire to be a bit better than I have been. I have been taking some really great things for granted--namely, my family.

I daydream a lot about moving out of my house. I do it because there is a social life to be lived while living on your own and it just can't be experienced when you live with mom and pop. When conflict arises at home and tension is high, my default tought is, "I need to move out" like it would instantly solve all my problems with my family and things would just be perfect. Sometimes, I think there is in fact some truth to this statement, but in all reality, I know it's just an avoidance mechanism.

I have learned so much from living at home as an adult with four other adults in the house. So much. My love and appreciation for the family living here with me has grown exponentially. The other day, my little brother and I got into a pretty heated discussion. Okay, we were fighting. We both want to be validated so bad and get upset when opinions don't change to support our own. I was hurt and just gave in. I decided to "end the cycle" as mother would say and just listen patiently while he expressed his side. By the time he was done, I really didn't have anything to say. I sincerely thanked him for articulating his point of view so carefully and helping me understand his side better and then went to my room to get ready for bed. I could have hashed out my side like I normally do, made my feelings known but I just didn't feel like it was worth it anymore. I really did see his point of view clearer and I no longer resented him for not holding my same position. It was just best to agree to disagree. Then something happened. After getting all ready for bed, there was a knock on my door. My little brother came in and said, "Em, I realized I said everything I wanted to say and didn't give you an opportunity to say what you wanted to say." His sincerity melted my heart. I was really taken by surprise because I wasn't "secretly" hoping he'd follow me. I didn't leave "passive-aggressively" hoping he'd get the idea and come apologizing to me. I really was perfectly fine ending on the terms we did because I wasn't upset anymore. Then all of a sudden, there he was, sitting on my bed ready to listen.

This may seem like something very insignificant, but I cannot tell you what this example taught me. It made my love for my sibling grow even more and I learned again how much it means to me that I am listened to and understood. It reminded me that the key to being understood, is to listen and understand the other first. I love that I come from a big family and that I get to learn from them daily. I love my brothers. I just want to marry a combination of all of them rolled into one--and I'm doomed.

I'm off to bed at a decent hour! Woohoo.
Nighty night.

..."There's No Business Like Show Business"

As I drove home from my final performance of "Annie Get Your Gun," I thought I would come to my own little corner to write about how sad I am to see it end. Though I do feel the usual twinge of sadness that comes at the closing of any performance, I am overcome with gratitude. Before I even had a chance to shed a tear for the ending of this chapter it was almost as if I was wrapped up in a gratitude blanket. Cheeeeeesy. Yes I know. But it's the truth. I am so glad I did this show. I am so glad I had the experiences that I did. I'm so glad I met the people I did. Especially the children.

My love for children has grown again exponentially. I've always loved the youth. Three years of EFY showed me that...but what a combination. Youth+Theater. I have found my new heaven. I really think I am going to pursue some work with youth within the performing arts. I feel as though it is my new calling. My new life calling.

I'm so glad I'm able to recognize the Lord's hand in my life. Sometimes I don't even look and I still manage to find it. It's the little tender mercies that fill my heart up until it overflows and it seems to be overflowing a lot lately. It continues to amaze me how He continues to build and enrich my character. Not my stage character, but my real character. Once again, the summer has been one of growth, enlightenment and understanding. And all I can do is smile. There really is no business like show business. Oh the things the Lord has taught me throughout this show.

Thanks to wonderful friends and a wonderful family I have a wonderful life.

"Let's go on with the show."

...I quit, I Quit, I QUIT!!

I never actually thought this day would come.
I dreamed of it.
I hoped for it.
I planned on it.
And now, and it's finally happening.

4.5 years as a server at Changs has taught me A LOT of things.
I have grown up a lot these last few years and PF Changs China Bistro in Orem has played such a pivotal role in who I am, who I want to be and do not want to be.

It's going to be hard to say goodbye to so many people that I love. Saying goodbye to the social scene that comes with having a "restaurant family" is heartbreaking. I don't know if I'll ever have the luxury of working in an environment this tight-knit again. But I do know this is the right move for me. I do know the wind is blowing me in another direction so I need to turn my back and not look behind.

So much of who I've become is linked to this restaurant in Orem. I could thank so many people for the things they showed and taught me. I hope someday they'll know how much of an impact they've had on me.

Goodbye.