...you can never have too many memories.

I came to the conclusion that it is one thing to leave memories behind when you naturally move forward and on with life, but it is another to have those memories taken from you.

The Provo Tabernacle caught on fire early this morning. I don’t know why but I have had such an interesting feeling all day long. My choir, the choir that has been a major part of my life since 2008, was scheduled to perform in that historical building tonight. Last night, our voices were the last voices to sing in that building only five hours before it burnt down. I think I’m still a bit in shock. I feel like all those many memories—those mighty spiritual experiences—that lived inside that building were taken from me. I didn’t move on with life or walk away from them; they were taken so suddenly, without warning.



Forgotten Carols with Michael Mclean December 2010



I had to work all day today and was away from all my dear choir friends. I was all alone at work while they had the chance to grieve together and react to the sudden change of events. Because of circumstances out of my control I was unable to rearrange my schedule in order to attend the concert at the new location. I thought I was okay with it, but as I’m sitting alone on my bed listening to the music I should be singing tonight, with my choir, I wish I was with the group of people I’ve now come to rely so heavily on.

The semester is over and I can’t help but look back and wonder where it went. Really though, where did it go? I survived? I’m really alive? Yeah, I did! Not only did I survive, my knowledge grew. Once again I gained a greater understanding of my need for my Savior. As Christmas approaches I can’t help but think of Him and all of the things He has done for me…

I had the opportunity to write the script for our Christmas show this semester. It has been a brutal, taxing, and spiritually exhausting experience.

At the start of the semester I didn’t want to go back to choir. I was feeling like my life was leading me in a different direction and I didn’t really want what it had to offer anymore. I didn’t see it then, but I wasn’t headed in the right direction and my heart was hardening in many ways. I was becoming lazy and too tolerant of things I knew I shouldn’t be. I was bitter and angry at the Lord for things I really shouldn’t have been. On the outside things were fine, on the inside-I was a mess.

I had been asked to write the Christmas script back on tour and all summer, one major theme kept running through my head: REMEMBER. Anytime I talked about writing the script: REMEMBER. Anytime I thought about our performance: REMEMBER. Anytime I considered a title, a character, a line, a quote…REMEMBER, REMEMBER, REMEMBER. My brain was overflowing with “remember” quotes and scriptures and talks…and there are so many. I knew I wanted to focus on not only remembering the Savior’s birth, but remembering personal witnesses, spiritual experiences and tenders mercies in hopes that our show might awaken testimonies of young single adults that have somehow lost hope.

I realized something amazing.

Through my study and reflection of the birth of the Savior while writing and preparing this show, I have remembered tender mercies, spiritual experiences, and my own personal witness. It was almost as if the hope I didn’t even realize that had been absence in my life had somehow been restored. My goal for the Christmas show had been met. I had been the one that needed the remembering. Thank you LDC for being so wonderful and taking this show to new heights. The vision came to fruition and I couldn't have asked for better. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have. This is an experience, or memory, that I will add to my collection.

I am so grateful for the ups and downs that have come with this semester. I have ended it on an up and with my hope restored, I know it’s going up and up.

"God gave us memories so we can have June roses in the December of our lives." -JM Barrie

Love your one and only,

Jazara

...my ode to DJ Tanner.

What ever happened to predictability,
the milk man,
the paper boy,
evening TV?



Remember this show?
I watched it religiously. I looved it.
I loved DJ the most because I related to her the most.
I told my friend the other day that I looked like DJ Tanner when I was little and she didn't believe me.




Well, here is proof.


I still watch episodes of Full House and think about how alike we are.

-She has great communication skills. (see)

-She is always the best dressed. I mean, really. (look)

- She suffered with her body image. (watch it here)

-She has an equally fashionable, loyal and funny best friend. (see)

-She has great taste in men. (for reals)

-She even sings!! (here, here)


I learned that Candace Cameron is a devout Christian. There is a video of her giving a talk/sermon on youtube. Yes...I watched it.
I also learned that she took a ten year hiatus to raise three children.
She looks AMAZING.

That is all.

...all good things, come to an end.

Saying goodbye is a lot harder to do when you don't know exactly what it is you're saying hello to. When one door closes another one opens and in my life, I usually don't close a door unless I see the other one ahead.

Yesterday, I closed a door in my life...unsure what, where or when the next door will appear.

I know quitting PF Chang's was something I needed to do. I can't explain why, though I wish I could. I can't believe I'm saying goodbye to this life that I knew and loved for nearly 5 years. I started there when I was 19 years old and I have grown into the person I am today with these people along side of me. This job has been a constant for me. These people have been a support for me. I have learned skills and life lessons here that I will never forget. I have made memories that I will cherish forever.

My last shift at work was very bittersweet. I cried the second I walked out those double doors and past the stinky dumpster to my car. I sat in my truck crying. Crying tears of joy because I was soaking wet. I had been bid farewell in true PF Changs fashion: drenched in pitchers of ice cold water. And I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
Goodbye PF Changs. Goodbye.

To my friends at PF Changs China Bistro in Orem,
Thank you so much for accepting me and making me apart of your family. Thank you for allowing me room to be who I am and loving me for it. Thank you for making an extremely stressful job out to be one of the funnest and exciting. Many times I would dread going to work but as soon as I got there, I was happy to be there because of you. I wish you the very best in your future endeavors and I know you'll be successful...because let's face it...you can do anything and everything after working in a restaurant! I hope that someday you'll really be able to feel all my love toward you because I am just not eloquent enough to do so in person or in writing. I will miss you greatly.
All my love.

I went through loads and loads of pictures from the last 5 years of my life. Talk about a trip down memory lane. Maybe I'll make a slideshow someday.

...a memory lasts forever.

As a young girl, I loved looking through my grandmother’s cedar chest. It was heavy and large and for most of my life sat at the foot of my parent’s bed. It stored a variety of things and through the years my mother has added some of her own items to the collection of unique jewelry, vintage dolls, and homemade baby clothes; including her own wedding dress. At a young age I learned that the things inside were of great worth to my mother as these possessions were all she had left of my grandmother besides memories. I loved listening to her tell me story after story about grandma Evva and often heard the words, “Emily dear, you would have loved her. You would have loved her so much.”
The cedar chest now sits in our family room because it’s much too big for my parent’s bedroom and it acts as a bench when my little nieces and nephews come over to play. It isn’t opened as frequently, but each time I do, I’m flooded with vibrant memories of my childhood as the fragrance of aged antiques wafts through the room. The values bestowed upon me through the stories and memories my mother would share have had a great impact on me and I feel that this cedar chest is a symbol of those principles. Over the course of 24 years I have met many admirable people, had wonderful opportunities unfold before me, and experienced difficulties that tried my faith. These random memories accumulated over time hold great value and significance to me and I can't wait for the day when I too will be able pull out my own stories and memories from my own cedar chest in hopes of influencing someone for good.

*Jessie Wilcox Smith image that my mother used to have hanging up in when I was little.