What I've been up to....

Why I've been MIA lately. 

Between 3 jobs and school full time...I've managed to squeeze in a show. 

It's one of the funnest shows I've worked on. Funnest roles. Great costumes changes.

It goes until October 6 and I would love for you to come see it!

The style of the show has been done in 1950's comics.

Come see it!

....it's 1 a.m. and I'm ready to get some stuff done!!

Alright, so I'm a little crazy...but I'm coming to terms with it.
Thanks for the wonderful comments on the last post. You're comments made me feel oh so much better and made me smile. Thank you for that!

So it's 1 a.m. and really, I don't know why or how but I'm wired with a whole lof of energy. I just put in a load of laundry and then I found my old Bop It and I played a couple rounds before thinking, I wanna write tonight! So here I am. I haven't even washed my show makeup off yet, I wanted to keep it on so I wouldn't feel tempted to crawl into bed before posting. I'm also going to wash my makeup brushes so they can dry overnight. Not that you really care.

My show has been so fun. I am loving my cast. It's this family that has been created over the last few months that keep me going through all the ups and downs. And there certainly have been some! They help me remember why I do all of this, when I forget.

My dear, sweet, wonderful boyfriend. Man, I am so impressed. I'm impressed with what men have to put up with sometimes. We can be so emotional and ridiculous and yet, they love us anyway. We're lucky. Although, we put up with some pretty interesting stuff as well...so I guess it's pretty equal. 

My little brother is getting married. I always knew he would tie the knot before I did. He's found someone wonderful and beautiful and I'm thrilled to have another sister. It's still really surreal. Marriage in general is surreal. It's like, poof...suddenly people are married!

I visited my old stomping grounds tonight after my show to promote my show to my old PF Changs co-workers and I learned that quite a few people have quit, moved or married. It's so wonderful to come back and visit with old friends and see the things that they have accomplished. A great, great dear friend is getting married and I am so unbelievably thrilled for him. We have had an interesting four year friendship and after hearing all the ups and downs of his dating adventures I am so so happy he has finally found the one!

I got my passport. I got my passport!!

I'm going to ENGLAND!!

Holy. Crap. I'm going to England.



...here's a quick update!

Okay okay okay.
Enough with the ambiguous analogies. At least that is what a lot of people have said out of concern after my last blog post. Well, let me asure you, things in my life are absolutely wonderful. There are two sides to every coin. I'm just getting a bit more comfortable sharing the other side of "my coin." Just because things are wonderful, doesn't mean they don't come without difficulty and sometimes feelings of defeat, right? Well, at least in my world there is both!

Singing in the Rain opens tonight you guys! TONIGHT! My "non-princess" debut is here! I'm sure you'll hear traces of Belle in my voice, I've been told it's there...though I've tried hard to escape it, I guess it's just my voice.

I'm still dating this wonderful, wonderful man who understands, supports and loves me so much. I still feel like I'm living my own musical.

Annnnnnnnnd....guess who leaves for England in a month and a half?!! Moi!!!

I gotta head to work.
Just wanted to fill you in. Come see my show! Scera Shell June 10-25 @ 8pm. Get tickets here.

-Jazara

...everything happens for a reason.

Have you ever had an experience that was so special to you, so deep and apart of you that you felt you had to connected to something deeper than yourself? I don't mean to sound all "new-agey" or whatever, but that is what I'm feeling right now.

I'd like to say it happens to me frequently; that I have these "new-agey," spiritual experiences often. But I don't. I feel blessed after 25 years, I'm able to recognize how the Lord speaks to me and recognize promptings of the spirit in my life. Last night was one of those, "deeper than self" experiences. I felt something I know I have felt before, but haven't in a really long time.

I had the opportunity to participate in the "Why We Tell The Story" benefit concert. You can read what that is here. Theater arts and performance, as you know, are major aspects of my life and as I continue to have these special experiences, I see almost the nessecity for it in my life. I've been performing with the Latter-Day Celebration choir for nearly three years and have had some preet-ty incredible experiences (remember this?), however, last night was different. Not different in a better way, just...different.

It is pretty difficult to not feel the spirit when you're singing songs about Jesus Christ. I know He is our Savior, and everytime we sing, the spirit reminds me of what I know.

Musical theater doesn't always testify of Christ, at least not directly. For me, though, it does frequently. Everytime I get up onstage, everytime I watch someone use their craft honestly and sincerely--to the best of their ability, there is something that resinates within me. It's true: All of it. We are all sons and daughters and we are here, living, breathing, hurting, loving...all these things that literature, music, theater and many other forms of art try to illustrate. I love being apart of that. I love being able to connect to other human souls through this medium. It inspires and uplifts me so much that words can't express.

I don't know why but I've been a little down in the dumps. Looking at my life, I have no reason to be. But I was asked a little over a week ago to perform in the "Why We Tell the Story" concert. I immediately accepted and rearranged my schedule to participate. What a pick-me-up that was. Such a ray of light and hope. I do believe this opportunity happened for a reason.

Syd Riggs was my drama teacher in high school and like many, MANY other people, this woman touched my life in ways I didn't realize until after she was gone. As I'm making this transition back to the stage, I have frequently wished she could be here to coach me, to support me, and mentor me the way she had in high school. In those time when I feel like NO ONE gets it, no one understands what my heart is telling me to do, it would be so much easier to just call her up and get her thoughts.

I am grateful for all the people in my life who have and continue to inspire me. Thank goodness I'm never alone. Thank goodness I've been given gifts that allow me to "tell the story." It was such an amazing experience to perform with old friends, make new friends that loved Syd also, and do what we all love doing so much, tell our story.

...where do I go from here?

I have a bad habit.
When I sit down at the computer desk at my parents house...I always intend on doing homework...it just never seems to happen. Now that I live at home again, this is the computer I have to use and I find myself reverting back to my old ways. Here I am blogging instead of writing my lit review.
At least you're getting a blog post.

There really is something about the rain.

photo via flickr

It's been raining this week. I don't mind it one bit. I actually love the rain.
(I would take rain over snow any day).
I love the smell of rain and the added moisture in the dry Utah air. I love the sound the wheels of my car make on the wet road. I love watching raindrops race each other down windows.
Rain always tends to sooth my soul and clear my mind.

I've hit an interesting point in the road. A point in which I'm thinking about the future; future steps on my path and how crucial they are. How so much relies so heavily on the next year...or so it seems. I'm rounding the end of many things in my life. Nearing the end of my degree. (I never thought that would happen). Nearing the end of the choir that has made up my life for the last 3 years. Though I'm nearing these "ends" I feel more so that I'm nearing several new "beginnings." What beginnings do I pay more attention to? What beginnings do I avoid and steer clear of? What beginnings can I create myself? I'm trying to determine where I go from here.

I met with Chris about the Theatre Study Abroad program today. I'm really feeling like this summer is the summer I need to do it. I feel like this is it. I have a stable job that would give me the time. I have the resources and connections this year...maybe, just maybe it will help me determine if I should continue an education in theater at UVU after I complete my Communications degree. I know two other people that are going this year which would actually be really cool. London...oh London. The place that I have dreamed of going since watching Peter Pan and Mary Poppins at the age of 5.

photo via google images

Someone asked me what I would do for the rest of my life if I could only choose one thing.
I surprised myself with what I said.

Aside from being a mother, (apparently it's not obvious and I have to say it so my mama doesn't worry) I would choose to perform for the rest of my life. I really, truly would. In twenty years I hope my babies are coming to watch me perform. I'd consider my life complete if I could inspire them through my art.

So the question remains, where do I go from here?

..."There's No Business Like Show Business"

As I drove home from my final performance of "Annie Get Your Gun," I thought I would come to my own little corner to write about how sad I am to see it end. Though I do feel the usual twinge of sadness that comes at the closing of any performance, I am overcome with gratitude. Before I even had a chance to shed a tear for the ending of this chapter it was almost as if I was wrapped up in a gratitude blanket. Cheeeeeesy. Yes I know. But it's the truth. I am so glad I did this show. I am so glad I had the experiences that I did. I'm so glad I met the people I did. Especially the children.

My love for children has grown again exponentially. I've always loved the youth. Three years of EFY showed me that...but what a combination. Youth+Theater. I have found my new heaven. I really think I am going to pursue some work with youth within the performing arts. I feel as though it is my new calling. My new life calling.

I'm so glad I'm able to recognize the Lord's hand in my life. Sometimes I don't even look and I still manage to find it. It's the little tender mercies that fill my heart up until it overflows and it seems to be overflowing a lot lately. It continues to amaze me how He continues to build and enrich my character. Not my stage character, but my real character. Once again, the summer has been one of growth, enlightenment and understanding. And all I can do is smile. There really is no business like show business. Oh the things the Lord has taught me throughout this show.

Thanks to wonderful friends and a wonderful family I have a wonderful life.

"Let's go on with the show."

...I have followers?!

Well, well, well...
Turns out there are some people out there.
It feels good to know some people think what I have to say is interesting enough to read. My life and my thoughts aren't all that exciting to me, but I'm glad someone, somewhere is reading this as I try my hand at being "honest and vulnerable."

Annie Get Your Gun is half over. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by. I'm so proud of this little show. I'm in the background most of the time which...if I'm going to be honest...has proven more difficult than I had anticipated. It's hard to take a backseat. It's hard to not be the one receiving all the laughs and applause. It's hard to be backstage night after night and listen to the songs I had hoped to sing. But you know what? It's also brought many, many positive things. I have made several new friends that I hope stay in my life long after this show closes. I have learned how to be an active ensemble member. I have grown to love the girl playing Annie, because she is seriously fierce onstage.

Oh how I wish my dear friend and drama teacher was still around for me to talk to now that I am taking this theater thing more seriously. She used to say, "There are no small parts, only small people."

I have thought about this these past weeks and truthfully, I started this show out as a rather "small" person. I hid a jealous and sour attitude. But now, now I have grown in more ways I thought I would. I have discovered new insights about acting and performing. It has made me a stronger performer. Most importantly, I feel as though I'm a bigger person for having done all of this.

This summer has been a wild ride.

There are some changes a brewin' I can feel it.

School starts in only a couple weeks and I start a brand new job tomorrow. Can you believe that?
Talk about a leap of faith, followed by an immediate answer to prayer. Saturday was my last day at PF Changs and I had no idea what I might do for a job. No clue. Sunday, a friend tells me of an opening at his place of work. I fill out an application Monday. Interview Tuesday. Train Wednesday. It's too good to be true. And the best part? I will never have to work in the evenings because it closes at 6pm every night. I might actually have time for a real social life. Maybe even a real dating life? Wow. Now that's crazy.

-Jazara

...I am real.

This post is an attempt at my new approach to my blog. My life.

I've never really been an open person. This is the truth. I will say a lot to people; I will tell stories and share things that make them feel I'm opening up to them when really, I'm telling them the same few stories or "personal facts" that I tell most people when I get to that point in the relationship whatever the relationship may be. Why do I do this you ask? Beats me. I have no clue. Probably fear. Not fear of rejection, no. Fear that I might lose control of my "self" or what I identify as my "self." Could I really share what I hold so close and identify myself with...with other people? Why would I really want to do that anyway? Well, after tonight, there is no more question.

Passion.

Passion is what drives people. Whether they believe it or not, it's the truth. We are driven by what we are most passionate about.

I am passionate about life. About experience. About tribulations and what we learn from them. I'm passionate about sharing with others the things I have experienced. The irony is that I only share these things with a small circle of people. People I trust.

I am also very passionate about the theater. About what can be experienced in the theater, as an actor and as an audience member. I've bounced back and forth between the stage and the audience, but the last few years of my life, I mostly sat in the audience. Yearning to be able to do what the people onstage were doing. Not just to be on the stage or under those lights or taking that bow while people applaud you and call your name. No, to be there, bearing your soul. Sharing the things you've learned and experienced. The heartbreaks, the surprises and times of joy. All are shared through an actor's performance. However, how will I ever be able to truly do that unless I let go. Let go and just be real. Stop hiding behind my few "personal facts" and stories and dig deeper and share what I really feel.

I am going to trust myself. I'm going to open up. I'm going to not be afraid anymore. This is it. This is what I want to do. I want to teach, share and inspire...through my personal interpretations of character's heartbreaks, surprises and times of joy onstage. The stage is calling my name.
I have a lot to give.
A lot.
I'm ready to let go and give it.

So, my blog is going to be more personal. I'm not going to be so ambiguous anymore. I'm going to be specific. Real. Honest.

It's not just going to happen here in my own little corner...it's going to happen everywhere.

Look out world.
Here I come.