Back to life, back to reality.

Well.....it's official.
I'm going to be working back at the PF Changs China Bistro in Orem.

At first, I felt like a failure. I worked there for just under 5 years and I said goodbye to my life there 2 years ago this month. I wrote a long farewell and tribute on the blog -read it- and I never thought I would be strolling back in to ask for a job.

But the second I walked in, I was engulfed in hugs and greeted by people I knew that were still working there excited at the possiblity that I would be coming back to work with them. I'm not going to lie...that felt pretty darn good. I spoke with the manager and he was so willing to hire me back on!It felt really good to go back to a place where I was truly loved and appreciated.

It's funny, I remember talking to Robert about how sad I was that I wasn't working and couldn't seem to get hired at the boutiques I applied for, and he suggested I check out PF Changs again...since I still talk about how much I enjoyed my time there. I thought he was crazy. I thought the idea was crazy. I left there to start a new life! To move on with my life. Going back would feel like....well, like I was taking a step backwards. But he explained that I had moved on with my life. I had done the things I left to do. There was nothing wrong with going back to work there for a little while.

I knew he was right. There wasn't anything wrong with it. Even my mother thought it was a good idea. Suprisingly, I am actually looking forward to working there again. Although smelling like old lettuce wraps even after you shower isn't all that pleasant. However, walking out the front doors after a long shift with a wad of cash in hand from hard work is a wonderful feeling.

Robert leaves for stunt school the end of this month so I'm going to need something to keep me busy. This should do the trick!

If you want to stop in a pay me a visit...you know where to find me!

Oh...and PS. I have tons of little projects I've been working on. Tons.
I also made a Pinterest board of all the things I've "tried out" and found successful...I'm going to keep checking off those projects one at a time. Follow Me!

--jazara

...nice is different than good.

I'd like to think I am very careful about the decisions I make. Especially ones that are crucial and important. At least most of the time. I am definitely not one who has a hard time making decisions because I really just follow my heart. My heart never leads me astray. Never.

My head does though. I have made a few decisions as of late that may have caused a hault in life just a little bit. I didn't get off the path. I'm not lost and haven't been led astray. I just stalled a bit. When my heart so clearly felt 'NO!' my head said it would be a good idea. A good experience. A good opportunity for growth. A chance to prove something...to someone...maybe myself. I continue to reflect on a particular choice and though I don't regret it, I ask myself, "What was I thinking?" Really though, what was I thinking? I'll tell you. I was thinking of myself.

I have learned that my heart is usually right because it is my heart that thinks of other people. My head on the other hand is usually thinking of me. I was definitely thinking about myself and the experience I could gain and the opportunities that would open up to me if I followed through with this particular choice. It wasn't a hard decision because it was just there. It just happened to me. So why not take advantage of it, right? What was so easy, is now making things very difficult.

Now I'm hurting because it's taking even more from my heart to rise above the fray and let all the negative repercussions roll off my back. I want to scream and yell and tell the people on the other side how immature and ridiculous they are being. I've worked hard to maintain the good reputation I have. It belongs to me because I'm a good girl. I'm far from perfect, but I am still a good person.

I will continue to reflect and learn from this experience and next time I will be much more careful. In a moment of weakness I took an opportunity that maybe I shouldn't have. Now I feel as though I've started moving again. With a few leaps and sprints I'll be right back where I was before. Maybe even farther.

Being that I am also studying theater arts, I am constantly learning from the world of musical theater. One particular song that I've been contemplating is from Stephen Sondheim's "Into the Woods." Little Red Riding Hood teaches a true principle in the song she sings after she gets eaten by the wolf. She says, "Nice is different than good." 
Nice is different than good. Something that may in fact be nice, may in no way be what is good for us. My choice was a very nice choice. Nice in practically every way. But it wasn't a good choice for me. I'm seeing that now. Everything was so nice. That being said, I don't want nice. I want what is good for me. 

I will never choose something because it is nice again. I won't even choose something that is good. I am not a woman of mediocrity. I want what is best. Nice is different than good. And...when there is a good, there is a better, and where there is a better, there is always a best. I will choose the best.


We all deserve the best.


Nice is different than good.

...my heart. my fight.

Something is about to happen. I can feel it. It's been awhile since I've felt this way. My heart is beating a new beat and this time, I'm not ignoring it. Why are we afraid to follow our hearts? Like really follow it? I think I've been conditioned not to think with my heart and rather think with my head. After all, that is what it's for, thinking. But it's my head that gets me into trouble! It's my head that leads me to unhappy, unfulfilling dead ends. My head tells me what is supposedly expected of me...and now I can see that those expectations were ironically all created in my HEAD!

"If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing well. If it is worth having, it is worth waiting for. If it is worth attaining, it is worth fighting for. If it is worth experiencing, it is worth putting aside time for."
-- Oscar Wilde

My heart is telling me to fight.
It's the fight that makes us strong.
Easy things leave us feeling weak...that is why we must fight. That is why I've decided to fight. I'm going to get the tar beaten out of me, I know. But I now have the courage and confidence to fight because I'm following my heart.

That is all.