This little blog of mine is really becoming a place I go to write out some of my current inner dialogue. So I guess here is the latest. I know I talk about it a lot, but music is probably one of thee greatest things to exist in this world. Next to that is the iPod, mP3 player or whatever you can use to shut yourself into your own little world. I tend to do it rather often. I love having my music on shuffle because I swear my mP3 player knows exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it.
Kelly Clarkson has always been a personal favorite (I tried so hard to meet her last time she came to SLC) and her song "Behind These Hazel Eyes" has been MY song since the first time I heard it because...1)I have hazel eyes and 2)I don't cry. And if for some reason I do...it is NEVER in front of people. I won't do it. I refuse. I don't like people feeling sorry for me. And of course, I like having control over my emotions. Besides that, guys freak out when they see tears. So...no tears EVER for moi.
Annnyway, this song came on shuffle and I thought it very fitting. Because lately, the truth is, I've been crying a lot more. Like really crying. I feel like my strength is wearing thin and I'm becoming exactly what I always feared...one of those girls. Gasp. You know, the one that cries in Campbell's soup commercials? Okay so I haven't seen a Campbell's commercial in ages, but I'm pretty sure if I saw one right now I would probably shed a tear. But you know what?? To hell with not crying! I am not a robot, okay? I am a real person with real emotions, okay? And men should just get over tears because I'm preeetty sure there will be a time when the dam breaks and the waterworks will come. Oh and they will come. Wow, I suddenly have an urge to make a man cry!! Would that be liberating or what?! Okay...okay...I'm done.
Life is always full of surprises. Ups and downs. Round and rounds. Thank goodness there is music to sooth my soul...or at least put into words what I can't seem to convey. So here it is, the current shuffle song of my heart.
If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk
Whenever I see you,
I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue
Pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
If anyone asks,
I'll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do I care
If they believe me or not
Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all
Act like there's nothing wrong
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
I'm talking in circles
I'm lying, they know it
Why won't this just all go away
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Kelly Clarkson
"Cry"
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